I should have loved you better

I'm still that clumsy 3 year old

tripping on my heels

crying when I fall down

I miss the innocence my brown eyes once whispered

and the soft touch of trust I felt on my skin

I had big cheeks

and hair like summer

and I would wait until my feet were rough enough to walk on the gravel path

and look both ways before crossing the street

I look back on those days with nostalgia

before I remember the yelling

and when I was only 6, wondering why I wasn't a kid anymore

I didn't feel like one, thats for sure

then I remember the sadness

and  holding my teddy bear when we'd sit under the table whilst a war raged on

If I could do anything, anything at all

I'd take my 7 year old self and hug her 'till she stopped crying

I'd wipe away her tears and promise that she will be okay

you will love yourself someday

I haven't gotten there yet

but I know I love you

more than anything

I'd touch her scar free wrists,

and pray to god she'd never damage them

but most of all

I would tell her that I'm sorry

I should have loved you better