The pain

It hurts so bad

As if someone has taken a brick 

And dropped it on my chest

From twenty feet above

As if someone is holding my lungs

So tight in their hands

I'm losing air

As if a damn has been broken 

And all the water is pouring out

Down my cheeks

My chin

My neck

Until they hit the sheets

And begin to disappear

But more follow soon after

I want to stop hurting

Drive

Teeth decaying
faster than
a bitter heart
falling
falling
falling
Hit the clouds
going 90
Slam the breaks,
turn up the radio
Listen to your parents'
advice on love
Realize life, love, humanity,
contradicts itself

Spilled Ink

I never knew that

it was possible to feel

warmth in the darkest corners

of my soul. I did not

know that what I was

hiding in these shadowy places

was something I did not 

believe I had or would be able to find.

Strength.

All there is

I can not

describe life

in a single word

but one

always 

pops up

her

I should have loved you better

I'm still that clumsy 3 year old

tripping on my heels

crying when I fall down

I miss the innocence my brown eyes once whispered

and the soft touch of trust I felt on my skin

I had big cheeks

and hair like summer

and I would wait until my feet were rough enough to walk on the gravel path

and look both ways before crossing the street

I look back on those days with nostalgia

before I remember the yelling

and when I was only 6, wondering why I wasn't a kid anymore

I didn't feel like one, thats for sure

then I remember the sadness

and  holding my teddy bear when we'd sit under the table whilst a war raged on

If I could do anything, anything at all

I'd take my 7 year old self and hug her 'till she stopped crying

I'd wipe away her tears and promise that she will be okay

you will love yourself someday

I haven't gotten there yet

but I know I love you

more than anything

I'd touch her scar free wrists,

and pray to god she'd never damage them

but most of all

I would tell her that I'm sorry

I should have loved you better